My Relationship with Mass Liquors

I am typing one-handed right now, while I enjoy my most recent purchase from my hands down (hah, get it?) favorite liquor store: Mass Liquors.

I first discovered Mass Liquors when I simultaneously moved to the west side and became gainfully employed. I just assumed they had a great selection of beer, wine and liquor because my previous financial situations hadn't really allowed for any real browsing¹ I just assumed that they took my Maine license because...why not? It's a legal ID. I just assumed that the staff was friendly and helpful in every neighborhood liquor store. I just assumed that every store carried the delicous beers I sampled throughout the city, a delectable assortment of wines under $15 AND Tanquery in the family sized portion². I guess I just assumed that was just one more prince charming in the fairy tale that is my adult life in Worcester.

Well, we allllll have heard about what happens when you assume. One day, I moved. I looked forward to getting to know my new local liquor store. I thought I was doing the mature thing, by switching to the new most convenient liquor store, in a strip mall, with no actual title. It just says "Liquor Store" above the door. Aside from the one hottie I saw working there on my first visit in, who lost his hott-ness when he refused to sell to my out of state id, even with the slammin photo, the staff there is horrible. The booze was SO overpriced, and in nothing larger than a liter. I politely inquired at what point we would be at the point in our relationship where we would be past all these "formalities" and they could just address me by name when I walked in wearing sweatpants a ball cap to buy a 30 of bud light. Not only did they say that would never happen, THEY DIDN'T EVEN CARRY 30's! I couldn' t believe that I had almost let go of something so wonderful, for something so awful.

So, I guess I realized who really cared about me: Mass Liquors. I'm willing to overcome the distance, to really make it work between us. Some of my favorite Mass Liquors stories include:

1. The time they entered the expiration dating on my old roomate's VT id and made a scene that it was a fake, then they gave her a free t-shirt

2. They put Saranac Summer Sampler 12's in the fridge for me, hidden. 12 packs of Michelob Ultra Fruit Infusions are also available.

3. An impressive array of hard liquor & beers- including foreign and domestic brews from too many places to name.

4. Each of the staff members, when looking at my ID for the first time, said "hey, that's where Shipyard is from!"

5. The double entendre of the title: MASSachusetts & MASS quantities!

So, we're back together. And I feel really good about it this time³.

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¹ With the exception of the occasional splurge during lucrative summer interships or special occasions, my staples were: Arbor Mist, Bud Light, and the Gallon o'Yellow Tail for a special occasion.
² Perhaps "Family Size" shouldn't be equated to a handle of alcohol.
³ It's probably inappropriate to compare my tumultuous relationship with a liquor store to an actual human relationship. I'll work on that in the future.